You Are Who You Are
by Servant Gabrielle
Summary: With Shuichi as an older brother, she thought her life was average, easy to live. But nothing in life is ever simple, even just being oneself. Slight Shojoai.


Warning: Homosexuality, minor angst.

Disclaimer: Maki Murakami owns the characters... I'm just BORROWING them.

A/N: I'm not sure why I wrote this. I had been meaning to finish up one of my other stories, but suddenly... waves hand this popped into my head, and I couldn't stop writing. I finished it without taking any breaks either. Oh well, it's something different at least.

You Are Who You Are

Shindou, Maiko Shindou: sexy teenager, favorite sister of Shuichi Shindou, homosexual deviant. In reality: I'm average looking, the **only** sister of Shu-chan, and well… no, the third one is completely true. And on one rainy spring day, I decided it was a good time to inform my parents of that fact.

After Shuichi practically announced his sexual preference, despite that the whole nation already knew it, along with his risque relationship with romance novelist Eiri Yuki, I had assumed my parents would still love me; they let Shu-chan come home and even invited Yuki-san to our family dinner last New Years. I expected smiles, maybe even an 'I'm glad for you honey'. Worst case scenario: 'that's nice dear' with a seeming indifference and boredom of the topic. Do I have to say I was completely wrong?

That day, as the rain poured down, dripping with tiny pitters and patters against the windows, my parents and I sat together. My father and mother each reading; the newspaper and an article about the famous and infamous Bad Luck.

I decided to open my mouth, "Mom, Dad… can I tell you something?"

"Yes, Maiko?"

"Is there something wrong honey?"

No, there wasn't anything wrong, at least I didn't think so. I took a gulping breath and tried to stop my heart from beating so erratically. This wasn't a big dramatic secret I was suddenly exposing, no need to be so nervous, "Um… I'm gay"

Both their smiles fled; mine followed.

"Why do you say that?" my mother asked.

My father was silent, looking grim.

"Well, I'm really only attracted to women…"

"What about all those boys you dated?"

All those boys; she meant the one. "I felt no more attraction to him than as a friend, I guess."

"Are you…" Mom looked like she was going to cry, everything was definitely not going according to my plan, "Sure about this?"

Then, at last, my father decided to put his three cents worth in, though by that point I wished he hadn't.

"What is wrong with my children, first Shuichi and now you too… You were supposed to make up for your brother. I bet it was all his fault you turned out like THIS-"

"Dad. Shuichi had nothing to do with who I am!"

"Is it my fault, that I raised a pair of freaks!"

"Darling," my mother seemed to try and calm him down, "Maybe you're over react-"

Needless to say, it didn't work Shindou family was made of stubborn creatures, "You were going to keep up the integrity of this family, keep the line going…"

"I wouldn't have kept the Shindou name anyways, and it's not like I can't have kids-"

"ENOUGH. Maiko," this sounded deadly, my father looked like he was upset about something of much more gravity, as if he had found out I had killed someone. Beside him, my mother just looked upset, tears sitting in her eyes waiting for the signal to being the charge. "I want you out of this house."

"Darling!"

"What…" I sat unmoving and uncomprehending.

"Out. I don't care where you go, just leave before you shame me further."

Cold, scared; I ran out of my home, the only home I had known. It was still raining; numbing water that fell from the sky. I just let my legs go; my mind was on standby.

I don't really know what I passed; which streets I took, what stores flew by. Blue blur, red blur, black blur, grey blur. Only blobs of color in-between the raindrops.

When my eyes focused again, I was standing outside an apartment building. I'd forgotten why I hadn't gone to a friend's house, why I hadn't gone to Shuichi and Yuki's home. Why here, a place who's owner was eluding my mind.

"Maiko?" a voice in the rain behind me.

I turned, blinking to see a slightly water logged Hiroshi Nakano standing questioningly.

Apparently I had taken too long to respond, "Why don't you come in, you look soaked."

I must have nodded in the span of several minutes I found myself sitting in a large t-shirt, borrowed from Hiro, across from the guitarist himself, and wrapped in a blanket that tried to warm my numb body. The cold from the rain was already vanishing with the help of dry things surrounding me, but there was something colder deep inside of me that none of the heat could reach.

"Maiko, are you alright?"

I nodded, "Just fine."

"You sure?"

No, I wasn't.

"What happened?"

Did I want to tell him everything? All my current troubles, knowing I would receive heart-warming sympathy? Yes, but before I could even start the phone rang.

"Hey Shu- what? There's no need, she's here- do you want to her? – alright" Hiro offered the phone to me, "It's your brother."

"Hey?"

"MAIKO!"

"Ouch."

"Maiko, I got a call from Mom, she sounded really worried."

"Oh. Well, it's not like I ran away, I was kicked out."

"What! Why?"

"I take after you."

He was silent for a moment, and if I had been next to him, the sound of wheels grinding to a halt would have been audible, "Wha-?"

"I'm gay."

"Oh, I'm sorry… not about that! About mom and dad."

"That's ok."

"So, why didn't you come here?"

"I thought you might be otherwise occupied."

"Damn right he was," that wasn't my Shu-chan.

"Yuuuukiiii!"

"Alright, apologize to Yuki-san for me, since I was a bother. I'll let you two get back to your business."

"-But Maiko-"

"I'm fine, I'll make your friend take good care of me."

"If you're sure… you should call mom, she's probably panicking."

"Could you? I'd rather not." I'd really rather not.

"Alright, and just give a call if you need me!"

"'Bye, have fun." I hung up, and the smile that had grown during my heart warming conversation disappeared as well.

Hiro was watching me, "You sure you're still fine?"

I was a Shindou; ;stubborn, "Yes… I guess. I don't know."

"You don't look it."

Sitting there in my famous brother's famous best friend's apartment, across the floor from my famous brother's famous best friend, I realized several things. I had been disowned, no home, no parents, no kisses goodnight on my forehead. The only things that I had were the still wet clothes, my school uniform, that I had been wearing. Nothing had gone how I had thought it would; it was all terribly wrong. I was far from fine.

"Well… I guess I'm not," I wasn't crying, "I… I…"

There weren't any tears running down my cheeks, I couldn't cry, wouldn't shed a tear. I was strong, I was stubborn, I refused. But I gave in, and sobbed into the knees that I had drawn up to my chest. A hand on my back; reassuring. I tried to stop crying, but the more I tried, the less it worked, and the harder I bawled. The hand transformed into two arms that wrapped around me in a loose and warm hug; friendly comfort.

"Maiko, you are who you are. People might try to change you, but eventually they will have to just accept the person you have become. Remember that."

I'd curbed my grief to quiet sniffling, "T-hic-thanks Hiroshi."

Even though I wasn't looking at him, I could tell he was smiling, "You know, you're a lot easier to comfort than your brother."

"That better be a compliment."

---

And, I have always remembered that. When, after a week, my mother apologized to me, and I went to live at home again. When my father stopped avoiding me, when he said he was sorry for hurting me. When I brought my girlfriend home for dinner on New Years and going to visit home a month later to find Ayaka and my mother baking cookies for me in the kitchen. As she and I walked down the street to go shipping, fingers intertwined and palms touching.

I am who I am.


End file.
